Hey Sexy, Bring that Bubble Over Here!

Deep sea divers meet at their local

If you could take a survey of regular bar patrons and ask them “what’s the worst aspect of the pub scene,” I’m sure the 2nd most popular answer would be “it’s impossible to hear your friends or that hot blonde in the corner you’re trying to get a number from.”

(The no. 1 answer will always be “having to pay 3 bucks for tasteless, watery swill like Bud Light, but I digress)

Bar noise is a problem, unless you aren’t at the pub for conversation, but simply there because drinking in public makes you feel less like an alcoholic. Conversations at most pubs, bars and clubs are heavily peppered with exclamations like “what,” “WHAT,” and “I can’t hear you over 130 dB of Lady Gaga.” Fortunately, a young and forward-thinking woman from Scotland has come up with a solution to this problem. It involves encasing your head in a tremendously sexy Perspex diving helmet, with openings strategically placed so that words may exit your mouth and enter your ears. If you’re sitting sufficiently close to another patron wearing the device, you can arrange mouth and ear openings so that conversation can flow directly from its source to its destination, without all of that annoying interference from the drunk Chinese guy doing his best karaoke version of ABBA’s “Waterloo.”

Please, no tonsil hockey in the ConvoDome!

For those not secure enough to be seen wearing a plexiglass version of late 19th century aquanaut gear, the intrepid inventor has come up with a convenient tabletop model. Instead of wearing apparatus on your head, those who wish to converse in quiet can place their heads inside a mounted ConvoDome and prattle on without hindrance from their fellow revelers. The downsides appear to be that 3 and 4 way conversations might be a bit uncomfortable, and you certainly have to hope that other participants have not recently consumed a garlic-heavy meal, as it appears that your discourse takes place at a distance normally reserved for swapping spit.

I know I will be eagerly awaiting the day these products are available on North American shores. I’m sure millions of others who suffer from pub deafness agree, and the days when you absolutely don’t leave for the club without breath mints, condoms and a clear plastic helmet aren’t far away.