SoTD: The Black Keys “Too Afraid to Love You”

I woke up this morning from some really bizarre dreams with the plinking keys of this song stuck firmly in my head. The words of the first verse seem particularly applicable as I try to reprogram my brain to operate without chemical aid.

My gears they grind
More each day
And I feel like
They’re gonna grind away

I’m still dealing with the loss of the first whiff of smoke to look forward to. That was always a mile marker in my day that once reached, meant I could wind down and relax. One of the odd things about working from home is that you don’t ever get the feeling of leaving work. I’m here all day, and when people call or email after hours, I know about it. There’s no satisfying “I’m done with this shit for today” and transition to being home and away from work. Having a post-work puff was as close as I got to having an end of day milestone. I’m a simple creature and I need little things to which I can look forward. I’ll have to find some kind of substitute. Trying to remake one’s habits, even ones that aren’t physical addictions, is often uncomfortable business. I am definitely uncomfortable but trying as hard as I can to keep from lashing out.